High Five Friday

Today’s edition of the Maury Povich show featured people dating other people less than half their age. I probably do not need to elaborate much, but know that the 16 year old girl was probably twice the weight of her 33 year old boyfriend, that she insisted that it was important that the marry before she turns 18, that the older brother was wearing a rodeo shirt and had hair in a braid to his mid-back, and that the mother approved of the relationship in full. I think there’s an important lesson in all of this, being that we should continue watching baseball instead of NASCAR.

Anyway, there are more important things in the world than relationships between 33 and 16 year olds, such as transvestite Nazi hookers abducted by Aliens and forced into eating disorders.

So Ozzie Guillen is going to retire if the White Sox win the World Series. How about retiring out of shame if they squander a historically large 15 game lead to the Cleveland Indians, who were completely written off as late as July. The lead is down to 1 ½ games, and Twins fans have a reason to pay close attention once again, as the team can help keep the White Sox out of the playoffs.

I’m most interested in my own preference for Cleveland over Chicago, and I have a few reasons for why I feel this way. First, Chicago doesn’t spend that much more money than other Central teams, but they behave like a big market team, only dumber. They sign free agents to fill holes (Iguchi, Pierzynski, Dye), trade prospects for big name players in season (Garcia, discussions of Griffey this year) and rarely lose their own players due to escalating salaries. Cleveland is a more sympathetic group, playing well for several years, then rebuilding through savvy trades and a well-managed minor league system. They were more loathsome in the 90s when they spent money on players like Albert Belle, Juan Gonzalez and Matt Williams, but when the salaries grew, Cleveland got other teams competing for the sports dollars (Browns, LeBron’s Cavs), they had to budget more closely and had to let Jim Thome, Roberto Alomar and others go. It’s hard to hate players like Travis Hafner and Grady Sizemore, so like a losing primary candidate, I suggest that we shift our support to the Cleveland camp.

---

As if Rafael Palmeiro needed to make any more enemies, he has now indicated that he got his steroids from Miguel Tejada, one of the most respected players in the major leagues. I’m not saying that Tejada didn’t give Palmeiro steroids, and I’m not saying that he did; I have no idea, and neither do most people who will speculate on it. All I’m saying is that Palmeiro has zero credibility right now, and people will probably disregard his testimony. For example, remember when Palmeiro was a paragon of decency and everyone dismissed Jose Canseco’s allegations that Palmeiro was juicing? The same thing will happen now to Tejada and Palmeiro. Which is for the best, because now only a positive drug test will indict Tejada in the court of public opinion, which is exactly how it should be.

---

I’m split as to what is more exciting: a Yankees-Red Sox ALCS or the two teams playing for one playoff spot in the last weekend of the regular season. While the stakes are probably higher in the postseason, it would be interesting to see them play with desperation rather than confidence. Ultimately, both teams seem to be malevolent hegemons at this point, so I’ll gladly watch them and their substantial flaws next weekend, but I’ll also be hoping for an early exit from the playoffs. If nothing else, can we get a Schilling-Johnson matchup at Fenway to determine who stays home and who plays on? That would be almost as amazing as Clemens pitching at Fenway in the World Series.

---

Carlos Silva had successful knee surgery yesterday, which should leave him in good shape for next season. Although most of the rest is probably due to being out of the race, imagine what it would have felt like to lose Johan (briefly), Radke and Silva for the stretch run if the Twins were still in the middle of a pennant race. The clear upside is that Baker and Liriano look like they’ll be ready next year to take a big step up from Lohse and Mays at the bottom of the rotation, but having the opportunity to see that has been a silver lining on a darker cloud than we expected to see this season.

---

Here’s hoping that losing Kyle Lohse doesn’t turn out to be a disaster. I know I’m nearly alone in trumpeting his potential, but I’m not about to stop, as he’s a very young starter who has better stats than anyone has recognized. He’s already passed through the injury nexus without event and has proven that he can withstand a pretty heavy workload. I’m eerily reminded of David Ortiz, who was let go because he was slightly too costly to justify when cheaper replacements were waiting in the wings. In neither case has the departure been due to bad performance, but a failure to live up to lofty expectations. I’ll admit that Lohse is going to be gone next year, but I hope they are able to trade him for something, rather than non-tendering him and regretting it when he’s in the All-Star game three or four years from now.