National Associations

I am back today with another installment of the randomly generated associations between my picks for the All-Star teams and bands or musicians of which they remind me. Good luck tracking my cognitive processes leading up to the selections; I doubt I will even be able to find that trace a few weeks from now.

C- Mike Piazza- Stevie Wonder: Brian McCann has been better this year, but Piazza is an all-time great singing a pretty solid swan song. Piazza and Stevie share the fact that a debilitating physical imperfection heavily influences their reputations: Piazza’s throwing arm and Stevie’s blindness (ok, that one was a stretch). Still, both have had utterly amazing careers gone by and seem to pop up over and over- Piazza at 12 AS games and Stevie at every sporting event or awards show with an open booking. One way or another, I feel that these two may each go down as something less than what he really was: Piazza as one of the two or three greatest catchers ever (probably after Bench and Berra), and Stevie as one of the best American singer-songwriters since Dylan.

1B- Albert Pujols- Eminem: The natural response would be something like The Beatles, but Pujols does not have that ephemeral sense about him. His greatness is very present, very contemporary. Maybe because he is so young and he seems so approachable, but Pujols speaking does not evoke past legends the way that Bonds does. Eminem, too, is essentially the biggest thing of right now. If either one fell off the face of the Earth tomorrow, it would make for a permanently compelling story, but not the sort of life-changing drama that followed the breakup of The Beatles, or if Bonds died in a car crash circa 2002. I recognize that the analogy is not terrible compelling, and I would listen to an argument for Led Zepplin, but I’ll stick with Eminem for now.

2B- Chase Utley- OAR: First of all, the name Chase fits beautifully with a jam band from rural Maryland. Additionally, I see Utley’s defining characteristic as the division between his immense popularity in certain circles and complete anonymity in others. Philly fans adore him and think of him as one of the top players in the game, but many baseball fans could easily and honestly forget to list him among the top five second basemen in baseball. In the same respect, mentioning OAR at a frat party would probably spark something akin to a Quaker religious ceremony, but bringing them up elsewhere would likely leave audible space for the crickets.

3B- Miguel Cabrera- Wyclef Jean: Versatile, gifted, underappreciated. Wyclef shows up on every third TV show related to music and hangs out with Angelina Jolie, but somehow maintains a pretty low profile. Same for Cabrera, how many players can put up an 1100 OPS in a major media market and receive virtually no attention. Plus, the whole Fugee/refugee thing may work when if the Marlins ever ditch south Florida. If the team moves, I advocate keeping the nickname to create baseball’s oxymoronic version of the Utah Jazz, either the Portland or San Antonio Marlins.

SS- Jose Reyes- Beyonce: Reyes is already popular and highly-regarded in scout circles, but he has a long way to go before he meets his potential. This year could be his version of Beyonce’s first solo album, where he goes crazy and shows why people always had such a fine opinion of him as a prospect. Like Beyonce, I believe that Reyes will be around for a long, long time and will pile up all sorts of awards. The obvious next step to superstardom is to co-star with Steve Martin in an ill-conceived remake of an old movie. How does this sound: Steve Martin plays a comically inept and updated urban version of the Lone Ranger. Jose Reyes plays Tonto, his motorcycle-riding sidekick.

OF- Carlos Beltran- Steely Dan: Ah, redemption! Beltran’s comeback trail did not wind through several decades and an extended period of obscurity, but he shares the band’s all-around ability and far-reaching appeal- he is the rare “five tool player” who scouts and statheads agree is underrated, much like music critics and casual fans can all appreciate Steely Dan without the band ever reaching megastar status. As great as Beltran has been in the past, he is currently posting a career-best .327 EQA and could finish with his best season to date for a team that is clearly the best in its league: an obvious All-Star.

OF- Jason Bay- Rush: Both are Canadian- worth noting- and both perform in a way that is more appealing to diehard fans than casual ones. Casual fans do not appreciate Neil Peart as God on drums, or the fact that Geddy Lee plays world-class bass and keyboards (with his feet!) while singing simultaneously in concert, instead choosing to decry his unique vocals as annoying. Bay faces similar anti-Canuck sentiment, missing out on positive praise for being on a terrible team that nobody follows, but he has not missed a game in two years, hits for power, hits for average, runs well, and plays well in the field. I considered writing a cheesy joke about how he’s not in the “Limelight,” but I’ll just let you fill in the blanks.

OF- Bobby Abreu- Warren Zevon: Two personal favorites who do not/did not get deserved attention simply for being obscure. Zevon wrote dozens of songs about sex, drugs, and general depravity, and not in the “Sex, drugs and rock n roll! Party!” sense, but more in the depressing “been there, done that,” sense. Abreu, too, has stories to tell, starting in Houston, and getting drafted by Tampa Bay in their expansion draft before making Kevin Stocker the answer to the “Who did the D-Rays acquire for Bobby Abreu in a one-for-one trade?” Even in Philadelphia, a major market, he has always been subservient to Schilling, Thome, Utley or Howard. Like Cleveland, Philadelphia is so weak at a few positions (namely SP) that they can start two All-Stars without being close to contention.

SP- Bronson Arroyo- Bronson Arroyo: Indeed, Bronson Arroyo is the professional musician who most reminds me of Bronson Arroyo. Ok, that’s a copout, and he does not even deserve to start.

SP- Brandon Webb- Bruce Springsteen: Glavine is the popular pick, but he is 22nd in baseball in starting pitcher VORP, arguably less deserving than a full three guys named Chris (Capuano, Carpenter, Young). Instead, I’m choosing Webb, who uses a tested and true approach- his sinker- to grind out one strong start after another. His style contrasts sharply with Santana’s which would make for an interesting pitching duel for two whole innings before Mark Redman and Brian Fuentes enter. The Boss, like Webb, knows his limits and stays well within them. He writes songs that make people enjoy not being wealthy, and he sings them in a muddled garble. Definitely music’s version of the sinker.

RP- Trevor Hoffman- Tom Petty: Everybody likes Hoffman; everybody likes Tom Petty, but it is difficult to find a die-hard fan of either party. Also, I am partial to the notion that the whole is somehow less than the sum of its parts in both cases. Hoffman has a jillion saves and has not had a bad year since before Hootie and the Blowfish were popular. The ERA (1.16) is the only thing that looks different this year, an effect of some luck, some defense, and some extra grass in his home field. And anyone who watched the NBA playoffs knows that there are way more recognizable Tom Petty songs than anyone cares to mention. Ask someone how many memorable songs Tom Petty has recorded, and they will probably be able to name five or six, but show someone a track list of his greatest hits CD and they will recognize about 15 songs. I respect longevity and consistency, enough, in this case, to pick Hoffman as an All-Star.